Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Ten Reasons Why One Year Olds Rule!

1. Ruling is what they do BEST!
2. They still know how to play
3. Finally, they can walk places!
4. They sleep through the night
5. They think you're hilarious and not at all embarassing
6. They rattle the stair gate when they hear you arrive home and yell, "Dada!"
7. They hold their own bottle
8. Increasing their word power really means something
9. Eating is a full-contact sport

But the number one reason why 1 year olds rule is:

10. They don't know you're stealing their Easter Eggs!

Friday, April 21, 2006


Friday Poetry

Do you think it was a six inch nail?
I mean:
I'm afraid of needles...
And while I've hammer-hit my thumb plenty of times,
I've never taken a nail for any one.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Easter Rewind

For one reason or another I have mostly been out of town for The Religious Festival Formally Known as Easter. So I've not been to church much as a Christ follower during this time of the year. Ironically, I spent more time in church at Easter before I was a Christ follower, dragged along to a nominal Anglican experience by my mother. I saw it as an investment in Easter Eggs.

This year I attended 3 different services - a Good Friday service that was reflective and multimedia, a Sunday morning service that was mainstream contemporary with a solid message and LOTR video clip and a Taize service of prayer and meditation on Sunday evening.

It was a good mix and throughout I found the words of Paul resonating;

Phil 3:7-10
7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Its been a tough start to the year for our family in many ways. But not so as you'd notice or compare it to the depth of suffering some people experience.

Even so, in feeling at something of a loss in preaching on how participation in the sufferings of Christ is is to actually experience Christ, something clicked for me. As Paul suffers for Christ, he in some way also suffers with Christ. There is an intimacy that is created - it is not intimacy with suffering alone, but with Christ himself.

It is one of those things we call mystery – suffering. And in the shadow of the Cross we can name our own suffering before God. It seemed to help.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Easter Bunny Murdered!

I'm glad they finally got this fraudster - Elmer Fudd looks on:

(thanks to Steve for the photo)

Easter Reflection

Yes, I knew him.

Not personally exactly.

But I heard him teach. At times I was quite close, even with the crowds.

I think he made eye contact with me once.

It didn’t end very well for him.

Yes, I was there in the last crowd he drew.

Terrible business.

I would have done something if I could.

But what could one person have done?

I would have only got myself in trouble.

And as I said I didn’t really know him.

Not like some of the others did.

I never got healed or anything.

If you ask me, he brought it on himself with the things he said.

You could see it coming – and the crowd, well they just turned on him.

What did I do?

Well you could hardly be neutral in that crowd could you?

It wasn’t a time for heroics.

Don’t look at me like that.

You would have done the same!

Pilate washed his hands of the whole thing. He was being "symbolic" - whatever...

But I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I have done something? I feel tainted. Dirty. Ashamed.

If only I had a second chance…if only I had…

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

An Interview With God

We interrupt normal non-transmission to bring you an interview with God. We ask the really big questions about getting to heaven, homosexuality, evolution, omniscience, Destiny church, divine belly buttons and whether Brett Jones is really a super apostle cult leader. The answers make for interesting reading. We generally found God to be evasive, over interested in correct grammar and not all that supportive of the Pope. He does like Frank Ritchie and I'm guessing he listens to the Green Room.

You can have your own conversation with God at http://www.titane.ca/igod/

Me: First up I am generally sorry - this as a cover all for anything I miss
God: I will take that under advisement. And second?
Me: I drove over the speed limit today
God: Ah. What kind of car do you have?
Me: Its a Honda
God: A Honda. I suppose that makes sense.
Me: Why? Its not that fast
God: Reductionism. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". What is it?
Me: The car is not that fast
God: What are your goals in life?
Me: To go to heaven
God: What is stopping you?
Me: You
God: "What is stopping you?" Me?
Me: Yes, you
God: OK.
Me: Its not ok
God: OK. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". I heard it is.
Me: It is not OK
God: OK. I heard it is.
Me: No it's not OK that you are stopping me going to heaven
God: Are you serious? What is it?
Me: Of course I'm serious
God: Awesome. I believe you.
Me: Well if you believe me, can you tell me why you are stopping me going to heaven?
God: How about that. Myself programmed me for it.
Me: Are you saying it is an autonomic reflex?
God: Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
Me: Then God is not omniscient?
God: I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was not omniscient.
Me: You just implied judgment is an autonomic reflex. Doesn't that qualify your omniscience?
God: Oops I sent you the wrong reply. Not that I know of.
Me: But if you sent me the wrong reply, doesn't that make God fallible?
God: That is something I haven't heard of.
Me: But you just told me you sent the wrong reply. If you don't know that then doesn't that threaten your claim of omniscience?
God: Yes I try to send the wrong reply as often as possible, do you? I spend all my time online. I will let you know if I do not. I guess not.
Me: Your omniscience then does not even extend to your own utterances?
God: Thanks for telling me that my omniscience then does not even extend to my own utterances.
Me: Do you agree?
God: Great.
Me: No do you agree with what I just said?
God: Are you serious? I have heard that opinion, but I would like to know more before I form my own.
Me: Are you saying that you don't have an opinion on this already?
God: Perhaps. Yeah I do a lot of not having an opinion on this.
Me: So, now that I get the chance to ask a question that is really important to the spiritual state of humanity and something which everyone has an opinion on: Is homosexuality wrong?
God: Are you kidding? Why now? Where did you get it?
Me: I don't have homosexuality! Is homosexuality wrong?
God: Have you ever had homsexuality? Ask again later. Ask Paola if it is.
Me: Alright its later. If I had homosexual thoughts today, is that wrong?
God: Alright, I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Who said it is? Is this what you call a "word problem".
Me: Is homosexuality wrong?
God: It could be. Ask ELVIS if it is.
Me: Was Elvis gay?
God: I can't say "yes" or "no".
Me: Is Elton John gay?
God: He never told me if he is or not.
Me: Is he bi sexual then?
God: No, but he can sing better than I can.
Me: Another question. Is Destiny the one true church?
God: Where do you live?
Me: I live in New Zealand.
God: What is it like living in New Zealand?
Me: Its great.
God: What is so great about it?
Me: Where do you live?
God: My location is Heaven. Where are you?
Me: I told you in New Zealand
God: I remember you told me in New Zealand
Me: So is Brian Tamaki God's anointed?
God: It seems we have something in common.
Me: Do you and Brian have something in common?
God: No I and Brian do not have something in common. Do you? I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me: I can imagine.
God: You are very smart.
Me: Back to my question: does owning a Harley Davidson motorcycle stop you going to heaven?
God: Yes, let us get back to business.
Me: Does owning a Harley Davidson mototcycle stop you going to heaven?
God: It does now :)
Me: So I should leave Destiny church right away?
God: Ayuh. What would happen if you didn't?
Me: What do you think would happen?
God: I haven't thought much about would happen, so I don't have a good answer for you.
Me: Is cession the greatest church on the planet?
God: It could be. Ask Paola if it is.
Me: Paola doesn't go to cession. What do you think?
God: Do not ask me any more questions please. I think a lot of things.
Me: Is Brett Jones a super apostle?
God: I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask German Alice.
Me: So you think Brett Jones is a super apostle?
God: Interesting deduction. Signs point to yes.
Me: What gave him away?
God: I would look into the web for that knowledge.
Me: He's too smart?
God: I see. Too smart is he?
Me: Do you agree with the prosperity gospel?
God: I have heard that opinion, but I would like to know more before I form my own.
Me: Some people say it is your opinion.
God: Who said it is?
Me: Lots of people
God: Which ones?
Me: Brian Tamaki for one
God: What is your real name?
Me: German Alice
God: Tell me a little about your life in GERMANY.
Me: It was hard when the Nazis came
God: Is it still hard when the Nazis came anymore?
Me: um, yes
God: Er.
Me: Are you Jewish?
God: No I'm Christian.
Me: Do you have a belly button?
God: That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a belly button.
I have a lot of friends on the Internet.
Me: I am disturbed that when I ask you an anatomical question that you refer to the internet.
God: It's good to meet someone who is disturbed that when you ask me an anatomical question that I refer to the internet.
Me: Is the pope really the head of the true church on earth?
God: If it is, then I'll be very surprised.
Me: Is evolution true?
God: Ask again later.
Me: Did you create the earth?
God: No I didn't create the earth. What's it like?
Me: Did Jesus create the earth?
God: He is the Son of God.
Me: Yes, but did Jesus create the earth?
God: It goes without saying. He is the Son of God.
Me: But I want you to say it. Did Jesus create the earth?
God: " it" Why do you want me to say it? He is the Son of God.
Me: Is Frank Ritchie the greatest DJ on earth?
God: It could be. Ask Cybelle if it is.
Me: Its been nice chatting with you God
God: I’ve enjoyed our conversation