Saturday, October 16, 2004

Half Full or Half Empty?

I realised something yesterday. When it really comes down to it I am too often "a half empty" kind of guy. Because I live with such an intensity of expectation of myself and others concerning the living out of the vision of the church, I am easily disappointed when others flake out. Part of this is me unconsciously experiencing a degree of personal betrayal. Their failure is my failure. Their failure becomes personal.

So when we have the second of our Leadership Dinners and some key faces find excuses for not being there or just don't show I am somewhat ticked off. So much so, that my wife actually sends me to my room (!) to sort out my attitude before people arrive! She's great. (it was actually very funny especially when I snuck out the ranchslider and tried to come back into the main house - she was waiting) Its because it means so much to me and I expect it to mean that to others.

So in the spirit of being half full - we had an excellent time with those who did show and they loved the material and the discussion opportunity. It was well worthwhile. People grew. We celebrated some "wins". I tried to follow my own advice on vision casting - I wrote a wee article for EmergentWesleyan which I think they might publish this coming week. The lights were going on all over the place.

So, I'm left with this sinking feeling about ministry for the long haul when the time bomb of expectation is ticking...its one thing to visit the explosion on the privacy of one's own home...anyway, something to work on I know that people ARE getting it when they turn up 8 1/2 months pregnant as one couple did - they're my heroes! Andy Stanley talked on the DVD we watched about the brutality of life and its impact on Vision. Thats the challenge. Need to harden up: life is brutal sometimes.


No comments: